Life Bonds
by sabrinaw
Summary: Their destinies are intertwined, they can't help it. Pairing: BB/Rae/Star/Rob/Cy. That's right-- I went there. Read it. You know you want to. Curiosity and all that jazz...
1. Chapter 1

**Life Bonds  
**

**Summary: Their destinies are intertwined. They can't help it. Pairing: BB/Rae/Star/Rob/Cy. That's right-- I went there.**

**A/N: XD I realize that posting this is probably asking for flames, but I couldn't help it. XD the plot bunny has emerged. And I just can't...ignore it. Because the plot bunny comes with a plot, and you can try to ignore it for as long as you can, but eventually he'll have his way. But you can NOT ask the bunny for a different plot. Because then it gets all like emo and doesn't want to talk to you anymore and you can try to type the story to make the bunny happy but it's too late. He doesn't want anything to do with you now. So then you have to find a new bunny, and if yer old bunny and yer new bunny ever meet face to face...well then there's blood...and...well then you have to deal with PETA...and...:sighs: ya'll know what I'm talkin about right? **

**Me and my friends are now taking bets on how high the flaming total will be. So far the pool's at fifty-bucks.**

**Warning: This story's pairing is BB/Rae/Star/Rob/Cy. Meaning, there will be het, yaoi and yuri in this. If that offends you, the back button is just a click away. You were warned.**

**Special Thanks To: Siren of Time, and Black-Rose23, for being my gerbils and inspiring me. :Bows: This one I dedicate to you guys!**

** I have about three chapters written so far, but if no one seems interested in this plot idea of mine, I won't bother posting the rest. So...let me know if you want to read more, okay?  
**

* * *

**  
**

The stars looked so peaceful as they winked from above. She couldn't see many of them, due to the city lights, but they were visible enough to make her relax. Across the bay the city buzzed with night life--but no criminals ran about. For once, everything seemed perfect.

_Seemed_ being the word.

Up on the roof of Titans Tower, sat the Tamaranian, Starfire.

She was troubled.

She didn't know why, but lately she'd been feeling depressed. Not a light depression, but a full blown why-do-I-bother-getting-up-in-the-morning type of...of...what was the word Beast Boy liked to use? Ah, right, _funk_.

Yes, that was it. She'd fallen into a funk.

But _why_?

Things at Titans Tower were going smoothly enough. Crime was at an all time low. Beast Boy and Raven had FINALLY gotten together. Robin was starting to come out of his shell and was slowly starting to court her.

Things were good. Great even.

So why did she feel so empty?

Something was wrong, and she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Something was _off_.

Letting out a sigh, she leaned back slightly to get a better view of the few stars she _could_ see..

They looked like they were close, like if you reached your hand out, you could touch them, but that was only an illusion. Really, they were far away. Mysterious, out of reach... beautiful...

Just like Raven.

That thought caused her to topple over with a squeak, as her stomach began doing several back-flips.

Where had THAT thought come from?

Raven was--

_Beautiful_, Her mind chirped, causing her to groan. Unlike Earth, homosexual relationships weren't frowned upon on her planet. Love was love. Yet humans seemed to consider it a taboo. Which, was a problem.

Not to mention, Raven was with Beast Boy.

Which... was also a problem.

Starfire bit her lip in contemplation. So this was why she'd been so unhappy?

Because she was in love with Raven and jealous of Beast Boy?

It made sense, she supposed. But it didn't make her feel any less empty.

"But...Robin..."

Her eyes started to swell with tears in frustration, as her thoughts turned to the boy wonder. It didn't make any sense. She loved Robin, adored everything about him. The way he smiled, how devoted he was to crime-fighting, his hair...

Starfire's soul ached.

It was an unfamiliar sensation, one that she'd been feeling for quite some time, yet the best she could describe it, was that it felt like her soul was crying for something, or someone. Only problem was, she didn't know what -- or who -- her soul was crying for. Robin? Raven? Or someone else entirely?

Feeling utterly confused, Starfire began making her way down to her room. All of a sudden she felt very tired. Cyborg had been wrong. Getting some fresh air hadn't helped at all.

_However, it was very considerate of him to suggest such a thing_, she thought, smiling fondly.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Beast Boy sighed as he settled down in the movie theater seat, trying hard to keep his attention span from waning. He knew he was fighting a loosing battle, but felt he had to at least _try_. For Raven's sake. After all, the horror movie wasn't _bad_...

It had predictable plots, horrible actors and _way_ too many gory scenes, but hey, he was _more_than glad to spend the $11 on it!

_Okay, so maybe I'm a little bitter_, he thought, as he watched some poor sap get his arm hacked off.

But he just couldn't see why he had to sit and watch a film that was all about violence, when they dealt with violence practically every day. After all, when he watched a movie, he wanted to escape reality-- not be reminded of it.

Frowning, he looked over to where Raven was sitting, not surprised at all to find her completely submersed in the movie. Dimly, he wished that Cyborg was with him instead. At least then, he'd been able to make fun of the film. Smiling, he recalled the last time he and Cy had went to see a horror feature together. They had cracked jokes until they couldn't speak any more, they were laughing so hard. Of course, they'd ended up getting kicked out, but they hadn't cared. They'd went for pizza afterwards.

It had been one of the best dates he'd ever had.

His eyes, which had closed sometime during his musings, quickly snapped open in disbelief. He had _not _just thought that. Not about Cyborg, his best friend. His best _male_ friend. It'd been a fluke is all. He'd meant to think that it'd been one of the best _times _he'd ever had.

A groan escaped his lips. That didn't sound any better. _Damnit_, his mind snapped. _I'm on a date with Raven. I should be concentrating on her, not Cyborg._ Grimly, he tried to do so, yet his thoughts kept drifting back towards his friend.

When the movie was over, he and Raven flew back to the T-Tower. Beast Boy didn't say a word the entire trip. He was too disturbed by the fact that he kept wishing that a certain half-human-half-robot was by his side, instead of Raven.

It didn't make any sense.

He was in love with Raven. Not Cyborg. Raven.

...Right???

* * *

Robin delivered a swift kick to the punching bag in front of him, sweat pouring from his body after having been at it for about an hour. Across the room was Cyborg, lifting weights, but he didn't care about that, focusing on taking all his frustrations out on anything he could get his hands on. Sure, his friend was oddly quiet, but right now that was a good thing. He wasn't in a real talkative mood and he didn't want Cyborg pissed off at him. It was bad enough that Starfire was. 

Not that he could blame her, with the thoughts running through his head.

Logic told him to slow down and take it easy, that there was no possible way that Starfire could know. After all, she was an alien, not psychic. Still, it was the only rational reason that she was so depressed all of a sudden. She _had _to know.

Know that he'd been dreaming about Raven.

His shirt was heavy with moisture and was starting to get in the way, so he shrugged it off irritably and returned to punishing the innocent bag.

CRASH!!!

Jerking in surprise, he raised an eyebrow at Cyborg, who sheepishly picked up the 100 lbs weight he'd been working with.

"Are you--"

"I'm fine."

Nodding, he turned his attention back to the bag, which sagged pitifully from it's chain. He'd probably have to replace it after this, no doubt.

Ah well.

Smirking, he launched another attack, his grin fading as his mind returned to the matter at hand.

Raven. Starfire. Raven. Starfire.

He couldn't have both-- this he knew. He didn't want them both. Okay, maybe that was stretching the truth a _bit_ much.

But only a bit.

Because when he dreamt about sleeping with them...

Dreamt about them lavishing their attention on his body...

And vise versa...

He'd wake up not feeling satisfied or frustrated-- but empty.

Usually after those dreams, he'd lay on his bed and stare at the ceiling with tired eyes and wonder just what the hell was wrong with him. He was a young adult who had fantastic sex dreams about the two most gorgeous women on the freaking planet. If _that _didn't turn him on...

What would?

* * *

Cyborg felt his pulse quicken the moment he saw Robin begin beating the crap out of the punching bag. He moved so quickly, his jabs fierce and precise. He was all energy, coiled up and just waiting to explode. 

His grip on the weight began to slip as he witnessed Robin do just that, a snarl breaking through as he kicked and punch for what seemed like an eternity, until he suddenly stopped, chest heaving harshly.

The half-robot forced himself to swallow, his mouth having gone dry the moment Robin had pounced.

_God..._

Noticing that the 'boy' wonder was lost in his thoughts, he reluctantly continued lifting weights, choosing to get lost in his own. Mainly on what had just happened.

He'd just had gotten aroused at the sight of Robin beating up a bag. Arousal. At Robin. Robin. His very straight friend. Robin, who was currently in a sort-of relationship with Starfire.

"Oh God."

Had he just said that out loud? A quick look at Robin told him that either he hadn't heard-- or had and didn't care, for he was now...

_Taking off his shirt._

Cyborg's skin felt like it was on fire as he took in his friend's body. Creamy skin stretched over muscles that were lightly scattered with scars, tensing as he began attacking the bag once more...

Stiff nipples that were practically_ begging_ for him to--

His arm holding the dumbbell lost all feeling as images began flashing through his mind.

CRASH!!!

He found himself on the end of one of Robin's eye-brow stares. The one that made him feel like he'd just made a complete idiot of himself. Which, in a way, he had.

Crap.

"Are you--"

"I'm fine!" Was it his imagination, or did his voice actually _squeak_?

Luckily, Robin didn't seem to notice.

_He must be really_...

His train of thought left him as the boy wonder let a dangerous smirk cross his lips and his arm threatened to give out on him again. Did Robin realize just _how_ sexy that grin of his was?

_Of course he does. He probably uses it on Starfire all the time_. That thought seemed to inject a bit (okay, a lot) of reality into him, as he realized that he'd been practically _drooling_ at the site of his best _male_ friend's half naked body. Trembling, he quickly set the dumbbells aside and exited the room.

God, what was wrong with him? _Why _was he thinking about Robin in _that_ way?

Robin was stubborn, over bbearing insensitive, sweet, down right sexy, passionate, protective, smart...

Cyborg realized where his thoughts were turning and groaned.

What was _wrong_ with him?!?!

* * *

Raven looked over towards Beast Boy, who was deadly quiet as they made their way back to the tower. Several times she tried to make polite conversation with the shape-shifter, only to receive silence as an answer. Normally, she loved silence-- craved it even. But lately she found herself thinking very strange things when silence fell. 

Like her dreams.

When she slept, she always had the same dream.

Most of it she couldn't remember, but she did recall feeling safe, and loved. There'd been so much love...so much peace...that when she woke up, she had to use every ounce of self control, and then some, to keep her room from exploding.

It was a beautiful dream, one that filled her with hope, and she hated it. Because it wasn't possible that someone could love her like that. Not her.

Entering her room, she swallowed painfully, slamming her door shut.

Several books flew off from their shelves, and she fought to control her emotions. This wasn't good. Ever since she'd started having those dreams everything had started to change. It was harder to control herself now days and it was getting more difficult to meditate. The usual techniques weren't working. She couldn't _focus_.

What's worse was her mirror had stopped working. No matter how hard she tried, she wasn't able to enter her mind. It was like someone had pulled the plug on the damn thing, and it was beginning to drive her crazy. With the mirror, all it would take was a few minutes to find out what was going on. An hour tops if she had to talk to _him_.

Yet without it, she was practically blind. As it was, Raven had no idea why things felt so off.

It was so _weird_.

And coming from her, that was saying a LOT.

The dream was the key, she knew knew it. Only problem was, she couldn't remember enough of it to help. Which was annoying. Not to mention, a bit worrying.

It was obviously important. But she couldn't...

And without her mirror to pursue it in her subconscious, it was hopeless. Kind of like her and Beast Boy.

Raven winced. _Ouch..._

What the changeling's problem was she didn't know, but several times she'd sensed that something was troubling him, and it was causing a slight..._pause_ in their relationship. She knew he loved her...because he would sometimes look at her in a certain way, and his eyes would have this shine to them, that would fill her up with warmth, similar to the way the dream had.

Except his eyes always had a faint echo of sadness, and whenever she saw it, the warmth would be replaced by emptiness instead. He was happy, yet he wasn't.

The only thing that stopped her from feeling bitter or depressed...

Was the fact that sometimes...

She felt the same way.

* * *

Starfire's green eyes were wide with disbelief as she stared at Cyborg. 

He had not just asked her that. There was no reason for him to ask her that. Nothing in her behavior even suggested that...

"GUYS! HURRY UP ALREADY!" Beast Boy hollered from the couch, getting a glare from Robin as a result. "That was my EAR, Beast Boy."

Sighing, he decided it was safer to just wait patiently. Even though they were taking a _long_ time...

But Starfire didn't care. She was too busy staring at Cyborg like he was crazy. It took a lot of effort to not blink for five minutes, but she was managing it. Only one thought was running through her mind.

That it wasn't possible.

That there was no way he'd ever ask her that. Because it just wasn't possible.

Closing her mouth, she nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, before saying in a higher-than-normal voice, "Friend Cyborg, can you please repeat that?"

No way possible.

"I asked you," Cyborg repeated patiently, as if talking to someone incredibly slow. "if you were in love with Beast Boy."

So she'd heard right. In the back of her mind, she noticed that his tone wasn't one of accusation or judgement, that he was simply asking a question. One that had an obvious answer. She wasn't.

"That's..." Her voice died as she tried to deny it.

It wasn't true.

Was it?

No. It wasn't.

Cyborg smiled at her, but it was one filled with bitterness instead of it's usual humor.

"I just...well I've seen you looking at him all the time lately, so I just thought...well I know what it's like to want something you can't have. I'm here, if you ever...want to talk."

With that, the half robot continued to the living room, where the other titans were waiting to start the movie they'd chosen from Block-Buster earlier.

Starfire let him go, her small form trembling as her mild replayed what had just happened. Cyborg had it all backwards. She didn't look at Beast Boy all the time. Okay, she did...but only because he was with Raven. She really only cared about Raven. Not Beast Boy. Raven. Right?

Right, Starfire thought determinedly as she made her way to the couch, wedging herself between Robin and Raven.

After the movie was over, she'd set the record straight.

She tried to concentrate on the scene that was playing on the television, but her mind kept nagging at her.

Why had she just frozen when Cyborg had brought it up? Her mouth had opened, the words were on the tip of her tongue, yet when she'd tried to deny it, her mind had basically shut down on her.

Why?

It wasn't the truth. When someone accused you of something false, the correct thing to do is to deny it and supply the right information. So...

Why hadn't she denied it?

It wasn't the truth.

_Wakey wake, tofu eggs and bakey!_

She wasn't in love with Beast Boy.

_Split up? Split UP!?!?!?! Didn't you see the movie? If we split up the monster will hunt us down one by one by one and eat us!! And I'm probably DELICIOUS!!_

She wasn't.

Starfire felt her breath start to quicken as her mind reeled at the possibility of her being in love with...

NO.

_I am not in love with friend Beast Boy. He is sweet, cute, charming and always makes me laugh like no one else, but that does not mean..._ Her shoulders sagged in defeat. _I love him. I am in love with friend Beast Boy. I love him much like the way I love Cy--_

Her thoughts froze in terror. She hadn'tjust thought that. She hadn't just thought that. She hadn't she hadn't shehadn'tshehadn'tshehadn'tshehadn'tSHEHADN'TSHEHADN'TSHEHADN'T!!!

Around her the boys, and even Raven, suddenly erupted into laughter (though Raven looked embarrassed about it a few seconds later), but Starfire didn't join them. She couldn't. The alien was too busy trying to get her heart to start beating again, as her word came crashing down all around her.

She loved them all.

_Uhhhh...Starfire, not everything on the menu is a pizza topping._

Robin with his passion and determination...

_He just put on 300,000 pounds. I am soooo jealous._

Raven with her dark beauty and dry wit...

_You're telling me I'm gonna be BALD!?!?!?!?!?!?_

Beast Boy with his charm and humor...

_Boo-yah!_

Cyborg with his sensitivity and carefree ways...

She loved them all. In different ways perhaps, but all equally. Having more than one partner wasn't unheard of on her planet either, but here, on Earth, it was unthinkable.

They would never...

There was just no way...

Her soul screamed in agony.

And even though she knew she shouldn't...that it would only make things worse...

Her throat began to tighten and before long, the first tear fell.

She tried to hold it back, but then a sob escaped...and then another...and another...pretty soon she was a hysterical mess on the couch. The sobs only increased as she saw how concerned her teammates were.

They cared so much...

But it could never be enough.

* * *

Okay! that's the first chapter. 

**:gets behind flame-rretardantshield: **LET THE FLAMES ROLL BITCHES!!!

**:Grins: **However, for all yall nice peoples that dun flame me...you gets cookies! YAY COOKIES!!!


	2. Chapter 2

Life Bonds

Chapter 2- Going home

* * *

The door to Starfire's room slid open and Robin walked out, his body language telling Beast Boy exactly how the conversation had gone. Still, he felt it necessary to ask, "Still no luck convincing her to stay, huh?"

A stare was his only answer. "Take that as a yes..."

He followed his teammate to the kitchen and was silent as he watched the brunette prepare himself a sandwich.

It probably wasn't in his best interest to be next to the boy wonder when he was obviously distressed over the situation, but he didn't want to be by himself right now. He felt hopeless about the entire thing, and had found himself wishing more than once that it were a nightmare.

Robin slammed two plates on the counter and even though the changeling wasn't very hungry, he decided to eat it anyway. It gave him something to do, something to keep his mind off...what was happening. They chewed in silence, each wanting to talk but not really wanting to open that can of worms.

Talking meant they were admitting it was real.

It wasn't real.

Starfire wasn't really...

"She still won't tell me _why_ she's leaving." Robin whispered, clenching his fists tightly.

Beast Boy sat his sandwich down carefully, his appetite all but gone. "I uh...didn't really hear you ask her..."

Expecting a glare, instead of the tired sigh he got, which only served to confuse him more. "Every time I'd try, she'd just...start crying again."

They sat there for a few more seconds, before he continued, "I think...I may know why...she's leaving."

"Okaaaay...care to share?" Came the chirp, causing Robin to smile slightly. Even when all hell was breaking loose, Beast Boy was still Beast Boy, and he found himself relaxing at that thought. He wasn't really one for change, and the familiarity set him at ease.

That was, until he remembered the question.

_...care to share?_

No. He didn't. How could he tell his friend that he was the reason Starfire was leaving the planet? Leaving _them_? Starfire hated him as it was. He didn't know if he could handle the changeling being mad at him as well.

"It's...I can't...it's complicated."

He glanced over towards Beast Boy, hoping he'd leave it at that, and was surprised to see his friend staring at Cyborg with a strange look on his face. A sad chuckle escaped green lips. "Yeah...I know the feeling."

Behind the mask, blue eyes widened.

Beast Boy and _Cyborg_?

No way.

He had to be imagining it. Of course. Just in his mind. After all, Beast Boy didn't seem to even realize what he'd just said. He'd probably been thinking about Raven and was just...

His mind groaned in frustration. He was beginning to get a headache. Other things needed his attention. Such as, Starfire was leaving the team to return to Tamaran, the fridge was practically empty and needed to be restocked, his dreams with Raven and Starfire were starting to get weirder...

Did it _really_ matter what his friend meant?

_Yes_, he realized.

For some reason, it did.

Why?

It didn't concern him in the least. BB and Cy could get together with Raven and have one biiiig orgy for all he cared. So long as it didn't affect him...

Another tired sigh. He couldn't even lie to himself properly.

True, it may not affect him what BB and Cy did or didn't do... but he couldn't help feel..._something_ at the thought of his friends getting together.

It wasn't disgust-- Robin wasn't a homophobe by any means.

Then _what_? He mused as he munched on what was left of his sandwitch. Taking in a deep breath, he cleared his mind, and then tried to pick up on the very first emotion he felt whenever he thought of his two friends hooking up. A few minutes later, and he headed to the dojo where he could work off his frustrations.

Wrong.

His mind was wrong.

_How can your mind be wrong?_ The practical side of him wondered. He quickly told that side of him that he was busy thinking and would it please be quiet for like two minutes? It did so, but every now and then it grumbled loudly.

Choosing to lift weights instead of the bag, he quickly turned his thoughts back to the matter at hand.

Where was he-- ah, right.

The emotion he'd felt, when he cleared his mind...

The first one that popped up...

Was sadness.

Sadness. He was _sad_ at the thought of them getting together. Sad. Not angry, or disgusted or indifferent, _sad_.

Robin briefly paused in his mental tantrum long enough to add fifty more pounds to the barbell.

How was it sad?

_Why_ was it sad?

It didn't make any sense.

Beast Boy and Cyborg were probably together. Okay then. Whoopty-doo. He didn't care. Why should he? It didn't matter. At all.

Another fifty pounds were added. He wanted--_needed_-- to feel the burn in his muscles. The burn would take his mind off the ridiculous subject. Because that's what it was. Ridiculous. Other things needed his attention, more important things.

And yet...

_Why sadness? Why that emotion?_

Did that mean he wanted to..._be_ with one of them?

His arms were growing shaky and he didn't have anyone spotting him, so he decided it was wise to call it a day, and started making his way to his bathroom. Entering the tiled room, he removed his costume and then the mask, carefully avoiding his reflection in the mirror, like always.

Trembling hands turned on the cold water and he quickly got in, not even bothering to adjust the temperature.

No. He didn't want to be with Beast Boy. Or Cyborg. He didn't.

_So why is it...every time I think about them together...I feel left out? _

That was the only way he could explain it. Like they were leaving him behind.

So then did _that_ mean that...

His legs gave out on him and he slumped to the bottom of the tub, not even trying to get back up. Shivering against the cold water, he leaned his head against the cool shower wall.

For the first time in ages he felt like crying.

_So wrong...this is so wrong..._

* * *

_"Yeah...I know the feeling."_

Robin knew. Robin had to know. He could tell by the look on his face as he exited the room that he knew. The guy was supposedly raised by the worlds greatest freaking detective. He _had_ to know.

Groaning, Beast Boy looked over to the door Robin had walked through not too long ago, and wondered if he should follow his friend. But then Raven entered the room and he had to concentrate on not making a complete full out of himself. Luckily she left after a few minutes, leaving him with some of his dignity in tact. God, even though they'd been dating for about a month, she still managed to make him tongue tied with a single look.

_See!_ His mind chortled smugly. _That PROVES that I'm in love with Raven! Not Ro--_

Good GOD what was wrong with him?!

Whimpering, he quickly went to his room, choosing to lock the door. Around him, comics and junk-food wrappers littered the floor. Piles and piles upon clothes were everywhere, making it hard to tell piles from actual furniture. Usually he contemplated cleaning up his room whenever it got this messy, but right now, he loved it. It was safe here. Everything made_sense_ in his room. In these four walls, no insanity could get through no matter how hard it tried.

It was his space. His sacred space.

He flopped onto his bed, closing his eyes tightly. Everything was messed up. Starfire was leaving them. He was having romantic thoughts about Cyborg, and now apparently his mind had latched onto Robin. His relationship with Raven was suffering as a result of his thoughts about the half-robot, and now it looked like it was going to go up in flames with his mind adding the boy-wonder to the whole mess.

Nothing made sense anymore.

Why was Starfire leaving them? Ever since she'd had that break down during the movie she'd been acting standoffish. And depressed. She'd cried for two whole_hours_ in her room, telling them through her sobs that she was sorry, and that it was nothing to worry themselves about.

_Yeah, right_.

Truth was, listening to her crying had made them all uneasy. She was hurt. She was hurt and there was nothing they could do about, because she wasn't talking and Raven for some reason refused to even try and enter her mind. So they had to stand back and listen to what sounded like her heart breaking.

And theirs.

They had all sat around idly, doing nothing until the sobs had died down. Waited for her to come out, only to realize that she'd cried herself to sleep.

Which didn't make them feel any better.

One thing was apparent though; Starfire...

Wasn't happy with them anymore.

And if she had to leave in order to _be_ happy...

Well then that...was just what she had to do.

But it still hurt.

Starfire always tried the meals he came up with, just like he always tried her Tamaranian recipes. Her smile could light up the entire room; the entire world if she really put some effort into it. She was always willing to learn new things and there was always room in her heart for more.

She meant the world to him.

He froze like a deer caught in the head-lights.

She meant the world to him...in a sisterly way.

Not in a loving way. Because that would just be weird. That was impossible.

Beast Boy didn't love Starfire. Okay, maybe he _did_, but he wasn't _in_ love with her. Not like he was with Cy--

"RAVEN GOD DAMNIT!!!" He exploded, before his mind could even _finish_ that word. That _name_.

Raven. He was in love with RAVEN. Not Cyborg. Or Robin. Or Starfire. His mind was just confused, due to Starfire abandoning the team. Right. Confused. That's all.

_Due to...Starfire..._

The changeling rubbed a hand over his face wearily. Even though he knew that wasn't her intention...

It still felt like abandonment.

And even though she said she'd keep in touch...

He couldn't help but think that to be a lie too.

_Every thing's falling apart..._ Beast Boy thought, as he gazed up at his ceiling sadly.

He was happy with Raven. She completed him in a way that was...unbelievable.

Yet there was a part of him...

That wanted _more_.

And he wasn't sure how much more Raven could give him. He loved her. He loved her, he did. He was happy, with her. With Raven.

_Then how come it's only when I'm surrounded by them all, that I'm the happiest? That I feel the most complete?_

Turning on his side he burried his face into his pillow, trying hard to fight the burning feeling in his throat.

* * *

Starfire didn't want to leave. 

She didn't want to leave Earth. The beautiful planet was so intriguing, with it's different people and customs. She was only just beginning to understand them and their ways. There was still so much to see, so much to do and she wanted to witness it all.

More importantly, she didn't want to leave the Titans. When she was with them she didn't feel like an alien or a troq. She felt complete. Like for the first time she fit in without having to pretend to be something she wasn't. Even back on Tamaran, there had always been a gap between she and her people. Because try as she might, she just wasn't Komand'r. She didn't have the same fierce power; the same type of spirit, and she always felt that when they looked at her, they kept expecting to see a little bit of her sister. And she feared that one day they'd realize that she _wasn't_ Komand'r...

And she'd see disappointment in their eyes.

She feared that day was coming closer and closer, as she spent more time on Earth and away from Tamaran.

Tamaran was a beautiful planet in it's own way, but it had stopped feeling like home a long time ago. Instead her home was with a group of people who cared about her in ways she'd never thought possible. People who could make her feel so depressed, yet turn around and make her feel like she was the most important being in the universe. Similar to her k'norfka, yet different.

Except...

It wasn't enough.

They couldn't care the way she needed them to, and it felt unfair to even ask.

And having to watch them every day, without being able to show them just how much they meant to her, how much she wanted them...well, hiding her emotions had never been Starfire's strong suit and it was only a matter of time before they found out. And then she'd lose everything. The team, their friendship...and their respect.

Which would...hurt. A lot.

She didn't want to leave them all behind. Didn't want to return to Tamaran where everything seemed so cold, even with Galfore there. Where there was probably a suitor already waiting for her. But it was for the best. In time, she'd probably forget all about the Titans. Swallowing, she picked up the small backpack from her round bed.

A small note was on her desk, and Starfire gave it a nervous glance before exiting the room and heading towards the roof. All the while trying to convince herself that it was necessary for her to take the cowardly way out. She couldn't say good-bye, not face-to-face.

Because then she'd start promising them things...Promises she couldn't keep. And if they looked into her eyes, they'd be able to see she was lying. They'd be hurt...and she couldn't bare to cause them any more pain than she'd already had.

So, she chose to leave in the middle of the night, when they were all sleeping.

_It is for the best_, she kept trying to convince herself as she picked up speed in order to break the atmosphere.

Faster.

She'd forget them, in time.

Faster.

Forget about the small things Raven did to show she cared.

Faster.

Forget about the times Robin taught her something new about Earth.

Faster.

Forget about all the times Beast Boy made her laugh.

Faster.

Forget about Cyborg, and his obsession with meat.

Faster.

Forget about how they made her feel like she really belonged.

Faster.

Forget about how she loved each and every one of them.

Faster.

Faster

_Faster_.

And then she was free, hovering above the planet like the alien she truly was. Frozen in place, knowing that if she continued on, continued to Tamaran, that she'd be leaving them forever, that she'd forget.

Her vision blurred as she stared down at the beautiful planet she'd learned to call home. It was so beautiful. So precious. So unbelievably fragile, but swarming with it's own energy that was entirely unique, the same type of energy that had kept it alive all this time.

"I do not wish to forget." Starfire sobbed.

She didn't want to. Couldn't. It hurt to remember them, but it would kill her not to.

There were a lot of things she wanted. A lot of people she wanted. It wasn't possible. And yet...she couldn't help but hope...

"I do not wish to leave." Curling into a small ball, she wrapped her arms around her legs. "I have had many nice experiences here." Her throat tightened. "Please, is it not possible for me to stay?"

Felt herself drifting closer and closer to Earth. To the people who cared.

Maybe she could explain. Maybe, just maybe--

NO! Realizing what she was doing, Starfire jerked away as if burned. No.

If she told them, if she even tried to explain, she'd lose it all.

_No_.

Taking in a deep breath, she forced herself to turn around and begin the journey back to Tamaran.

She cried the whole way there.

* * *

Beast Boy was avoiding him. 

And Cyborg couldn't for the life of him figure out why.

It seemed that every time he walked in the same room as the changeling, he'd make some excuse and before Cyborg knew it, he was alone again. With...

Robin.

Which was very awkward, seeing how it seemed like Robin was avoiding both him, Beast Boy _and_Raven. Days at the Tower, which used to be full of laughter and warmth, were now filled with ice and intensity. Everyone was tip toeing around the other. The only time the team was together was when they were out fighting crime, and even then they weren't _truly_ together.

Because there wasn't a bubbly Tamaranian floating above them, cheering about their victory. Now there was just silence. And even though it had been nearly three weeks since her departure, he still kept looking up, expecting to see her sitting next to him, sipping mustard through a straw.

The first few days were the hardest, the pain of losing one of their own raw in their minds. Yet after two weeks passed, Cyborg couldn't handle being alone with his thoughts any more. He'd spent enough time in his room, tinkering over his gadgets and moping.

So, he'd decided to find Beast Boy, and challenge him to a video-game marathon. It would fill their minds up with mindless explosions and pass the time until the next villain decided to make themselves noticed. Perfect. Only, Beast Boy hadn't been the easiest person to find.

They were in a tower, on a freaking _island_. One would think that it would only take a few minutes, an hour tops, to locate his best friend. The guy was GREEN for crying out loud. It wasn't like he blended in with the paint or anything.

Three hours later and it was beginning to occur to the cyborg that he was being avoided. Figuring his friend needed a bit more time to himself, he went to the arcade to blow off a few hours. A few days later he tried again, asking BB if he wanted to see a movie, only for the changeling to walk _right_ past him as if he hadn't even existed!

At first he was stunned. Then stunned turned to anger, and then anger turned to depression, which meant he was back to tinkering and moping again. His days usually consisted of training, fighting, eating, sleeping, tinkering and moping. It was all so...depressing.

The team was breaking apart, and he knew it was only a matter of time before the Teen Titans were no more. They were just a bunch of strangers working together now. Maybe that was why Starfire left. Maybe the alien could sense that they were drifting apart, and had decided to leave before she could witness it.

No...knowing Starfire, she'd have probably tried to fix things, not leave, if she felt they were heading down that road.

_Knowing Starfire..._

That thought made him wince slightly. Did any of them really _know_ Starfire?

He recalled her breakdown, and how she had cried for what seemed like forever. A person didn't just go into fits, not ones like that. Something like that had to build over time. Meaning that she'd been holding in her feelings for a while now, and finally couldn't take it any more.

It was enough to make any person feel guilty. Friends were supposed to be there for each other. Had Starfire really felt like she couldn't talk to any of them? Had she really thought that they wouldn't listen? That they wouldn't care?

Letting out a sigh, he put down the newest invention he'd been working on and stood up. He'd been sitting at his worktable for the past two hours, just staring at the wires and small metal peices. His mind was fuzzy and not really taking in anything, so he decided that some fresh air would clear his head a little.

Knowing that it was early in the morning and the others were still asleep, he quietly made his way up to the roof. Just a few minutes of air, and then he'd go back to his room and continue working, again. Nah, he was tired of his toys. Maybe he'd go and see a movie or something, by himself.

He frowned as he sat down on the edge of the roof, gazing across the river towards Jump City. Going to a movie wasn't really all that great if you went alone. Because there wasn't anyone to talk to, to fight over snacks with, or to make stupid comments with that eventually got you thrown out of the--

_Maybe I'll just...go anyway. Anything to get out of the Tower._

Cyborg smiled slightly, knowing that he wouldn't be going to the movies today. Or tomorrow. Or any other day. Not by himself, at least.

"Mind if I join you?"

He jumped at the voice, and saw Raven standing a few feet away, shifting from one foot to the other awkwardly. It was such a forein look on the psychic, and he felt his spirits drop even further. Had they drifted apart to much that Raven felt like she had to _ask_?

"Nah. I could use some company."

She sat down next to him, close enough to be friendly, but farther than she usually sat, so as to not cross any boundaries. He noticed it, but didn't feel comfortable enough to point it out. She was treating him like he was a stranger, like she didn't know how to handle him. That thought caused his chest to tighten. They were _friends_. She didn't have to act so stiffly around him.

They sat in silence for a long time, both noticing the large gap between them, but neither of them knowing how to go about repairing it. An hour must have passed, an awkward one at that, before Raven finally spoke up, her voice halting as she asked, "Do you...think I'm...difficult...to talk to?"

It was such a weird question, especially coming from her, but Cyborg gave it the careful consideration it deserved. "This has to do with Starfire, right?"

"Just answer the question."

A smile threatened to break loose, the corners of his mouth twitching, but he had a feeling she wasn't in a mood for jokes, so he sighed, fighting the impulse. "What do you want me to say, Raven? You can be a bit scary sometimes."

The silence returned, and he could tell that his words had hurt her, even though she'd never admit it. Things were just so weird between them...between everybody, really...and he just didn't know how to handle it, or if it was even_worth _handling anymore.

Maybe Starfire'd had the right idea...

Perhaps it was better to get out before the entire team fell apart. Maybe join a new team.

Maybe...

Because the Teen Titans were falling apart, and it seemed like no body was making an effort to keep them together. That had always been Starfire's job. And now that she was gone...

There was no one to take her place.

_So is this the way it's going to be?_ Cyborg thought, as he watched Raven get up and turn to walk away. _Are we just going to continue to drift apart, until we don't even remember each other? Are we just going to forget?_

He suddenly reached out and grabbed her hand, knowing by the way her body stiffened that he was crossing many boundaries, but not letting go. _I don't want that to happen, _He realized._ This...this is the only family I have left..._

"You wanna...go see a movie?"

A raised eyebrow. "A movie?"

"Yeah. There's this...new horror one that I hear's pretty good." _Please...I don't want to be alone right now._

She bit her lip in hesitation, before nodding. "Sounds...fun."

It didn't, really, and he knew that. Sitting around in a dark theater watching what was probably some over-cliched gore-ridden film wasn't really his idea of a good time. But as they made their way to the city, talking in halting and unsure tones, he couldn't help but let a smile cross his face.

Maybe he'd stick around after all.

* * *

_I've already seen this movie_. Raven thought, as she and Cyborg entered the movie theater. _It sucked the first time I saw it, and chances are, it's going to suck even more the second time I watch it. _But she didn't say a word as they gathered their drinks and popcorn and headed towards their seats. 

Not surprisingly, the room was empty. Not a single person was in the theater. One would think that _someone_ would want to see the damn thing, but no. Not one soul entered besides them. Mentally groaning, she sunk down into a chair, joined a few seconds later by Cyborg, who let out a low whistle at seeing how deserted the place was.

"Wow. This movie must suuuuuuck." He smiled sheepishly at Raven, not realizing she'd already seen the film. "I'm sure they're just all in the bathroom or something."

Violet eyes rolled. "Bathroom, right."

She noticed that he had left a seat between them and was startled at how much that hurt. What did she care if he didn't feel comfortable around her? She was used to that. Shouldn't even matter at all.

They sat there and watched the movie for a good fifteen minutes, before Cyborg let out a small yawn. Raven sighed, knowing that sitting down and quietly watching a horror feature wasn't really what he was used to. She knew all about how BB and he would joke around and get themselves kicked out.

But she _wasn't_ BB. Wasn't as funny as the green changeling, nor did she have the same confidence he did. Besides, Cyborg wasn't expecting her to start cracking jokes. He knew what type of person she was. But as he let out another yawn, Raven found herself racking her brain for something funny to say.

It wasn't expected of her...in fact, it was completely out of character for her...

Yet Cyborg was trying so hard. It only felt fair to do the same. Only, she didn't know how to go about it. She wasn't really that good with handling people. And things were still very awkward with them, evident by the empty seat between them. She didn't want to make the situation worse.

Why bother anyway? So what if she wasn't as talkative or as _fun_ as the others? It didn't mean anything. That didn't make her a bad person to hang around...it couldn't, really, or Cyborg wouldn't have asked her to come, right? Only, she knew that wasn't the reason. He'd asked her along because he hadn't wanted to be alone. She knew that if given the choice between her, Robin or Beast Boy, he'd choose one of the guys over her every time.

And that hurt. She didn't want him to choose her just because she was his only choice. She wanted him to choose her because he _wanted_ to be with her. She bit her lip thoughtfully, her stomach churning as the film progressed on, and Cyborg got more and more _bored_. It didn't matter...it _shouldn't _matter...but before she knew what she was doing, she let out a nervous snicker and said, "Is it just me or did that guy look oddly aroused that time?"

Cyborg blinked at her, startled. They stared at each other for a few tense seconds, before he started chuckling.

Raven wasn't exactly sure how it happened, but before she knew it, they were throwing insults at the movie and while she wasn't exactly laughing loudly like he was, she did have a rather large smirk on her face. One that had threatened several times to turn into a smile.

Sometime during the film, he had gotten up to get refills, and for a second she'd almost been afraid he wouldn't return. But he had, and even better, he'd taken the seat right next to her. The smirk that threatened to turn into a smile did just that, and he quickly flashed one back, surprised but not displeased by any means.

It made her think that maybe things weren't such a lost cause after all.

They weren't thrown out, seeing how they'd been the _only_ ones in there, but she did make him laugh, and that was just as good. And somewhere along the movie, it had stopped feeling like a chore, like something she felt she _had _to do, and it started feeling..._natural_.

Like she was meant to be by his side, feeling warm and content for once. And she actually felt more complete than she had in a long time. There was still something missing, but it felt sort of like in her dream, where she was allowed to be open and not have to worry about the consequences.

After the movie was over, and they started heading back for the Tower in silence. But this time it was a comfortable one, and she didn't feel like she had to break it or try and fill it was pointless conversation. It was relaxing. Peaceful.

"Hey, Raven?"

She glanced his way, not really feeling like talking right at the moment. She'd talked more at the theater than she probably had in her entire life. Her social battery was on empty. "Hmm?"

He smiled. "Thanks."

Well, maybe she had just a little more juice in her battery...

"No problem. Anytime."

And as they entered the Tower and went their separate ways...

Raven realized she meant every word.

* * *

Kyaaaaaaaaaa!!!! I just love the Cy/Rae's chapters. Very rarely do I like the way I end a chapter, and I'm pleased to say that this is one of those times! I was a bit...out of it...when I wrote them, so if it's weird, I apologize. I hope you guys liked it! R & R!!!!!! 


	3. Chapter 3

**Life Bonds**

**Chapter 3**

* * *

**(This takes place one month and one week after Starfire's left the team)**

* * *

It shouldn't feel like this, Raven thought, as she waited outside the T-Tower for Cyborg. They were friends, going outside together, to hang out, to enjoy each other's company. As friends. Friends did it all the time. There was no reason for her heart to be pounding ninety miles an hour. No reason for her palms to be sweaty, or for her to feel so..._excited._

After all, it was nothing new. They'd been sneaking out-- no, they weren't sneaking. They'd been going out-- no, they weren't going out. She sighed in frustration. It was all beginning to give her a headache. Something that had been happening quite a lot lately...

Okay, they'd been _hanging_out, together, as _friends,_for about three weeks now, ever since Cy had asked her out to the movies.

Cy. They were calling each other by nick names. It didn't mean anything. Friends did that all the time too. So what if it made her feel insanely happy, that he evidently felt comfortable around her, to call her Rae? It didn't mean anything. It wasn't like they were--

No. They weren't.

_If I feel this confused over it...maybe it's best if we just stop doing...this._

It would be the smart thing to do. At least then, she wouldn't feel so conflicted. He made her feel like BB did, only different. Something she couldn't put her finger on. He made her feel relaxed. And things at the Tower were so..._quiet_. Only not the comfortable type of silence that she usually thirsted for, but the tense, stifling _quiet_ that made her feel like she was going to go insane if things continued the way they were going.

But when she went out with Cy, no matter what they did, be it going to the mall or movies, or just hanging out at the park talking, all of that melted away. It didn't matter that the team, their world, was slowly falling apart. Because in those precious minutes, when they talked or just sat next to each other, they weren't Raven or Cyborg of the Teen Titans, they were simply Rae and Cy, two teenagers out having a nice time.

It was so _normal_, and so relaxing, that she couldn't find it in herself to feel nearly as guilty about it as she should have been. She didn't _want_to stop doing it. Didn't want to give up the only nice thing she had going for her right now. Beast Boy wasn't even _talking_ to her. She wasn't even sure if they were still together.

So she really had no reason to feel guilty...about _this_. Whatever _this_ was...

She heard the door open and close, signalling that she was no longer alone.

"Sorry I'm late. I was trying something new with the Tower's security grid and a bug popped up at the last second, and I just _knew_ that I was this close to fixing it, and before I knew it one minute turned into another and...sorry." He grinned sheepishly, realizing that he was babbling.

Raven shook her head dismissively. The way he talked, she must have been waiting outside for a while. And if the tingling in her legs was anything to go by...she probably had been. Had she been that deep in her thoughts?

"Don't worry about it."

Seeing that she wasn't mad, he relaxed and continued to prattle on as they made their way to Jump City, knowing that while she wasn't actively participating in the conversation as he was, she was still listening, and very much interested. He didn't really have anything major planned for today, and they had only gone out just a few days ago...

But he'd been so _bored_, with no one to talk to, and so he'd taken a gamble and had hoped against hope that she'd accept.

And she had.

Because he knew for a fact that if he were to stay in that _quiet_ Tower, any more, that he'd kill himself. It was _that_depressing. None of them ever ventured out of their own rooms anymore. Once when he was fixing himself something to eat, he noticed just how unused the rest of the Tower was. There'd been _dust_ collecting on the furniture.

He hardly saw anyone other than Raven, and the only reason he knew that BB and Robin were still staying in the tower, was because they still fought crime together, even if it was done in silence now, with their teamwork a pathetic resemblance to what it used to be...

Cyborg sighed, and forced himself to shove those thoughts aside as they neared their bench in the park. At first, they'd gotten quite a few stares from civilians, not used to seeing two Titans out in the open, but after a few weeks, they weren't given a second thought, as people found more important things to focus their attention on, such as which famous movie star was pregnant and whatnot.

Occasionally, someone would come up and ask for an autograph, but for the most part, they were left alone.

They sat and conversed comfortably for a few minutes, until he stretched. He didn't really _have_to stretch, but he was starting to get restless. Maybe he'd suggest they walk around in a few more minutes. Cy spent most of his time in the Tower sitting at his worktable tinkering. He was _tired_ of sitting.

He realized that Rae had frozen in whatever it was she'd been saying (he really needed to pay attention before she asked him something) and glanced over, bemused. "What's wrong?"

Cy followed her gaze and froze as he realized where his hand had landed.

Time seemed to freeze.

Stiffly, she removed her hand.

The silence was overwhelming, and he suddenly wished that he was back in his room, tinkering where it was safe, and his emotions weren't going haywire, just because--

_Gingerly, Raven lowered her hand on top of his, her eyes staring straight ahead. _

Swallowing thickly, he tried to will his own arm to stop trembling. This was so wrong. BB was his friend. Okay, so he wasn't being a very good friend at the moment, but still, BB was his _friend_and Rae...Rae was BB's _girl_, and it was just _so_wrong, on _so_many levels and...

"What about..." Didn't have the nerve to say _his_name, because that would strengthen his resolve that this was _wrong_, even though it felt so _right_, and he didn't want it to stop just yet.

"I don't know."

He cleared his throat awkwardly, her hand still resting on his. _So wrong...just so wrong..._

"I won't do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, I swear."

She smiled ruefully at him. "That's what I'm afraid of."

He didn't know what worried him more. The fact that Rae was BB's _girl_ and it was only inevitable that they get caught, because that was just how his luck ran, or...the fact that he couldn't find it in himself to feel guilty. Unnerved, maybe. Worried? Definitely. But Guilty?

_Over this? Whatever this is..._

Never.

Cyborg smiled at her. It wasn't one filled with any type of emotion, it was just _there_, and it felt so out of place.

But he didn't know what else to do.

She stood up, her cloak billowing about her as the wind shifted. "There's a Tech show going on at the mall."

Cy nodded. He'd checked it out online, and it seemed to be pretty interesting. Though he knew that it wasn't really her thing. But they'd gone to her favorite cafe last time, so now it was his turn. Besides maybe there'd be some food at the place, and he could get something to eat. Now that he thought about it, he hadn't really_eaten_ anything in the past few days...

"Alright, let's go."

They started down the sidewalk, their conversation almost nil. Cyborg frowned. Had going another step forward ruined everything? Did she no longer feel comfortable enough around him? Or did she think that everything was supposed to change now? _Was_ everything supposed to change?

Cy noticed they had yet to let go of hands and felt a sense of...well he wasn't sure what it was, but it helped him to relax, and he no longer felt like he was going to malfunction. _Maybe it'll all change for the better. _

Reality settled in.

_Or maybe it'll all just get blown to hell and back._

* * *

Where was he? Light. There was light. It was so warm, it washed over him and filled in the gaping holes he hadn't even noticed were there. Okay, so maybe he had noticed, but just hadn't wanted to admit it. 

But that was okay now, because the light was here, and everything was okay. He felt at peace. Only the light started to move away a little bit. But still, that was okay. He could still feel it. It was just a bit colder.

But then it got farther away. And farther.

And even though he knew he should have...he didn't chase after it.

Couldn't.

The light was so warm...but there was a part of him that said it was wrong.

It was warm...but wrong?

As if hearing his thoughts, the light shrank away faster, and he felt despair settling in.

_Run! Come on! Chase after it!_ But his legs wouldn't move. It was like his entire body was frozen in place, and then the light was completely gone, and he was alone, again. In the darkness.

Only, now that he'd gotten a taste of the light, however brief, he now realized just how cold the darkness was. How it bit cruelly at the missing parts of him, tearing at the holes, making them seem wider.

Except, they _were_wider. And getting bigger the longer the light stayed away.

If only he would have just _ran_towards the damn light.

But he couldn't.

It was...

Wrong.

Aware that he was now on the verge of waking up, Beast Boy pulled the covers over his head in protest. He didn't want to wake up just yet. Maybe if he had the dream just one more time...

He'd be able to chase after the light.

The changeling didn't know what the light was supposed to represent, but he did know it was important. And that without it, he felt...

Like he was dying.

And he knew, if he chased after the dream just one more time, he'd be able to chase the light. And he'd be able to live.

He couldn't wake up. Not yet. Didn't _want_ to wake up.

In his dreams, he kept feeling like he was dying. But at least in the dream, he had a chance to stay alive, if he'd only chase after the light.

Didn't want to wake up.

Because when he _did_wake up...

And went to fix himself something to eat...

Saw how empty the rest of the tower was...

And remembered about the times when they would lounge on the couch and watch movies...

The dust collecting on everything...including the memories...

He realized that he was already dead.

At least in his dreams he had a shot at living.

In real life, it was already too late.

Alas, his prayers went unanswered, again, so he forced himself to leave his comfortable cocoon and get ready for more reading. Coughing, he entered the shower and quickly bathed, his shoulders shaking as more hacks racked his body.

It seemed like he was catching a cold, so he kept telling himself to go out and buy some cough medicine, but he'd find a new lead in the Library, or a villain would choose that moment to attack Jump City, and he'd end up forgetting all about it.

It probably wasn't anything to worry about, but it was beginning to annoy him.

Not to mention, the Librarian was one strict Lady who would not tolerate noise of any kind, even if he _was_a member of the Teen Titans.

He slid into one of his costumes, collected his books and headed out the Tower and towards the city. For the past several days, he'd been reading the Library's vast collection of books. Mainly about psychology and dream interpretation.

Not his usual interest, and yes he'd had to look up a few things, but he was _determined_ to figure out just what the dream meant. Night after night of the same dream...and if he could only _run_ after it, he'd probably figure out just what the light _was_, but he couldn't, so he'd decided to figure out as much as he could during his waking hours.

Beast Boy shifted into one of his bird forms and flew past the first Library he came across, the one downtown, deciding, like always, to go to the one in the outskirts of Jump City. It didn't take much longer, considering flying was faster than walking. The library he usually went to, had a better selection.

And besides...

Raven often went by the other one.

The changeling _knew_ he wasn't being fair to her, that she deserved at least an explanation of why he was acting like...well...an ass. But he couldn't bring himself to face her just yet. Because when he was around her, he felt like a part of him was complete, like always. But then he'd remember the light in his dream, and even though he knew he shouldn't...he found himself comparing what he felt when he was with Raven, to what he felt when he was surrounded by the light.

And always, it paled in comparison.

And then he'd spend hours just sitting in his room, staring at his walls, feeling so empty and _depressed_.

If he couldn't have the light in his dreams, what were the chances he'd be able to have it in real life?

Entering the Library, he walked to his usual section and started scanning books, hoping to find the ones he'd seen earlier. It always irked him when he found that someone had checked out the books _he'd_ been interested in.

Pulling down a thick book, he began scanning through it, a cough threatening to break loose as he breathed in some of the dust that had been on the huge tome.

If he could find out what his dream was about, then everything would make sense again, and he could go back to being with Raven, just how things used to be.

_Just give me time, Rae. That's all I need._

He coughed again.

* * *

They stood there in the awkward silence of the Tower, both avoiding eye contact. It was something that caused Robin's masked eyes to narrow, as he took in how they weren't even touching each other. 

"I had a...good time."

"Yeah, same."

"Well...I should go."

"Ye..ah...Rae?"

"Yes?"

"Are we...okay?"

Raven nodded.

_That's a weird question to a--_

His jaw dropped as he watched her reach up and gently place a kiss on Cy's cheeks.

"We're fine, Cy."

And then they were gone, heading to their own separate rooms, leaving him staring at a blank screen, wondering if what he'd seen had really just happened. They were...

Together?

No...

Together?

Raven and Cyborg?

They couldn't...

_Wouldn't..._

But the kiss...

But soon shock turned to anger. No, he wasn't angry. Angry was a polite word for what he was.

He was _pissed_.

How could they do that to Beast Boy?!

Sure, the changeling was being a bit elusive, but they all were! And just because he was having a hard time dealing with Starfire...

_Starfire..._

Snarling, he began throwing anything he could get his hands on at the wall, trying to get his anger out before he accidentally did something he'd regret. Everything was messed up. It wasn't supposed to be this way damnit!

Raven is supposed to be with Beast Boy.

And he's supposed to be with Starfire.

But then he started having those dreams and...

_And then I messed everything up._

His hands searched for something else to hurl, only to come up empty handed. Looking at his floor, he saw how much destruction he'd caused and his shoulders sagged, his anger draining out of him as he dropped to his knees.

Everything was messed up.

And he didn't know what he could do to fix it.

Robin began feeling his chest tighten and tried to relax his body, knowing that if he didn't--

_FUCK!_

Pain started shooting up through his neck and back. Gritting his teeth, he forced himself to breathe slowly, trying not to panic. Another wave of pain and he gasped, falling forward into the shards of glass on his floor, glass cutting into his skin.

Stars began to appear in his vision, but he forced himself to hold on. After a few more seconds, the pain started to ease up, and he let out a sigh of relief before gingerly pulling himself into a sitting position.

_Stupid, getting yourself worked up over that..._

He'd done test after test on his body; his heart to be exact, and hadn't found anything abnormal. Nothing to explain the sharp pains that happened whenever he got too emotional. Only that it was starting to get worse, and he was beginning to fear it would interfere with his crime fighting.

Cautiously, he stood up and moved to his bed, glancing down at his almost naked body, having just got out of the shower when deciding to check the cameras. There were a few cuts, but nothing serious. He glanced over at the monitor in his room and cursed himself for ever having installed those hidden things.

When he'd discovered Bruce's hidden cameras at the manor, he'd sworn to himself that he would never grow as paranoid as the overgrown bat; would never stoop so low. Bruce had of course, just smirked when he'd told him that, and had said, 'We'll see.'

And now, here he was, years after having made said promise, spying on his own teammates. Damn Bruce for being right all the time. Damn him.

Damn Raven and Cyborg.

That thought caused his blood to boil, as he remembered just _what_ he'd seen on the monitor.

_How could they?_

"HOW COULD THEY DO THAT TO ME?!"

He gasped as the pain in his chest returned, his eyes wide as he tried to remember what he'd just said.

_How could they..._

_Do that..._

_To me?_

_They...they left me behind_. His mind stated, sounding like a sulky child.

Robin shot out of his bed, and jerked open his closet, taking out one of the suitcases in there.

The Tower was driving him insane. Being around a group of people he no longer knew...they weren't a _team_ anymore, and...

He couldn't stay in the Tower anymore, that was just a shell of what it used to be, without Starfire there...

And with Raven and Cyborg...

Being_together_.

His hands froze over one of his shirts. _Am I really going to do this? Am I really just going to leave? Leave Jump City...the Tower...them...? What about the mission?_

The mission always came first.

Isn't that what Bruce used to say?

_I can't be you, Bruce._ Robin thought, slowly pulling down one of his shirts. _I'm sorry...but I can't...stay here...anymore..._

The door to his room slid open, and he whipped around, looking very much like a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar. Beast Boy stood in the doorway, a book in hand, his green eyes staring at the suitcase that sat on Robin's bed.

"Taking a trip?"

Robin heard the accusation in his tone and sighed, looking away. "Don't...do that. Don't try to stand there and...act like you're handling this any better than I am." He turned back to his closet. "Alright? Because you're not."

The silence that came after his statement was so long that he'd actually thought BB had left. So he was surprised when the changeling whispered, "Maybe not. But...I'm not the one running away. You are."

Beast Boy saw how his back stiffened and opened his mouth to say more, anything to get him to listen, to _stay_. But then the alarm sounded off, and he knew that the mission always came first, something Robin had told them countless times... so off he went to see what was happening in the city they'd sworn to protect.

And not for the first time, he wished that the mission _could_ come second, because the longer he was away from Robin, the bigger chance it was that Robin would run. And he couldn't let that happen.

Raven was there, but he didn't have time to feel guilty or avoid eye contact. Didn't have _time_ to register the fact that she looked slightly guilty or that she wasn't trying to talk to him for once. She only had to say one word, before he was running back to Robin's room, his blood pounding heavily in his ears.

_"Slade."_

Robin couldn't _go_. Couldn't leave. He was their _leader_. Without him...what were they? They were barely hanging on as it was without Starfire. Without Robin...there would be nothing left to hold on _to_. He wasn't _allowed_ to leave damnit!

He wouldn't leave now...not with Slade out there in the city, wrecking havoc. He wouldn't leave with Slade still loose...would he?

_No! He wouldn't..._

"Robin! Don't go just yet, okay?!" He yelled as he ran down the hall. "Slade is out there and--JUST DON'T GO!!!"

A part of him registered the fact that Raven and Cyborg were running behind him, not really understanding what was going on, but knowing that they were about to lose another teammate. Another friend.

At last, he came across the door, which was still open slightly. Feeling his heart sink, he lifted a trembling hand to the metal object and slid it open the rest of the way. The suit case was gone.

And so was Robin.

Footsteps sounded behind them, and they turned, seeing Robin standing ahead of the hallway, his face set in stone.

"You're not--"

"I forgot to turn in my communicator. I thought you'd be out there taking care of Slade."

His voice was so cold it caused even Raven to wince.

Cyborg laid a comforting hand on her shoulder, trying to ignore the suspicious glance BB threw his way. "But...your mission--"

"I'm not giving up on the mission. I'll just...have to work on it somewhere else."

Beast Boy watched with disbelieving eyes as their leader threw his communicator down to the floor. This wasn't happening. It was a dream. A trick by Slade. Maybe a drug. SOMETHING. Not...this wasn't the real Robin speaking...

Was it?

_Robin...how can you just... Leave us?_ Raven wanted to ask. But she couldn't form the words. Couldn't force herself to ask the question. To ask would be to admit that it was real. And it wasn't. Because this...wasn't happening.

"Damn it, not now." Robin hissed, clutching at his chest.

Cyborg started walking towards him, concern flashing in his eyes, only to freeze in place, as his former leader hissed, "_Don't_."

They watched as he slowly straightened up, clutching his suitcase tightly. "I can't _do_this anymore. I'm sorry. But I just...can't."

And then he was gone.

* * *

Sooo...how'd you like it? 


End file.
